Letter #32: Jesus: the Movie
Funny Story
Spengler,
The subject of church is an important one, but your letter left me confused. If we can’t “sniff at other people’s worship habits as a way of feeling superior,” what’s the point of being religious at all?
I spent part of last week on X, reading about a young lady who found Christ and decided to stop selling nude pictures of herself on Only Fans. Christians immediately began to snipe at her. Was her conversion sincere? Shouldn’t she shut down her OF account? Shouldn’t she give back all the money she made?
Clearly, the whole point of Christianity is to pass judgement on other people’s Christianity. That’s why Jesus said, “Do more judging. It’ll be great.”
I wrote a funny short story once called “Jesus: The Movie.” I sold it to a British magazine, but the magazine folded before it was published. I’ve never found another buyer. Read on. You’ll see why.
The story (very loosely based on real events) involves a low budget Jesus movie being made by awful people. The screenwriter wants to cheat on his pregnant wife with the promiscuous softcore actress who plays the Virgin Mary. The director is a pretentious atheist. The Brit who plays Jesus is a drunk. And so on.
At one point, the entire cast gets smashed and starts rehearsing the Last Supper. Slurring his words, Jesus says, “Drink thish… thish is my body.” Thomas swigs some wine and wonders when he can start killing people over the question of transubstantiation. When Jesus says there’ll be no killing, only drinking, St. Peter mutters unhappily: “I was told there'd be killing.” The whole thing devolves into a drunken brawl.
The story’s surprise ending is that the screenwriter, awed by the sight of the porn actress in her role as Mary, is unable to commit adultery. He goes home to his wife a (slightly) better man. In spite of himself, the story has transformed him.
My point is this. Some church stuff can be nonsense, sure. Sanctimony. Performative emotionalism. Be-good sermonizing. Plus a coffee hour Danish nowhere near as filling as Kierkegaard.
And you’re right: many theological debates are useless. Arguments about free will and predestination, as I’ve said before, are often attempts to see ourselves through God’s eyes — a simple impossibility. And while some matters of good and evil are black-and-white, checklist morality is not The Way.
But gathering with others for ritual, liturgy, symbolism and scripture can open the soul to the healing ministrations of God. The baptism that cleanses us, the wedding that binds us, the communion that transforms us — we may come to them cynically, stupidly, sinfully — and yet often they do their work nonetheless.
God speaks to us through his creation, but also through the symbolism that communicates the ineffable meaning of life. We come to church as we are. But if we pay close attention, we can learn to lose ourselves.
Love, Dad
I’ve been a Catholic my entire life but I’ve only come to faith (still a Catholic) recently. Like many Catholics, the Bible was something the priest explained during the Sunday homily. I say all this in advance of saying that I am but a rank amateur when it comes to Biblical references. Even so your letter today reminded me of Paul’s letter to the Romans, chapters 6 and 7. He speaks of the conflict between our inner and outer selves and that we essentially are always on that roller coaster. We may be sinners but when we come back to God (maybe with our tails between our legs) we return to life stronger. A bit like Andrew’s screenwriter.
Certain people I’ve met say: “I’m spiritual, but not religious.” What does this mean? Generally it means “I want to worship God as I understand him, in my own way, and I don’t need some organized church telling me how or why.” Some of these people see themselves as Christians. Fine. But this thinking has led to thousands of denominations in the U. S., with as many takes on who God is and how to worship Him.
During the first seven or eight centuries there arose major heresies that needed to be dealt with for the sake of Christian understanding and unity. Decisions were made based on the communion of the Holy Spirit with all the leaders of the known Christian world praying for guidance. Perhaps we need to learn more about their decisions and the nature of Unity.